Goodbye, Grandpa

It’s a quiet Sunday morning, and I'm sitting here in my living room, enjoying a cup of coffee and watching the neighborhood pass by outside. It looks warm out there – vests have replaced jackets and puddles have taken over the streets – but inside, our hearts hang low. Jerome Johnson died yesterday. He was my grandfather. He is survived by his wife and by the three generations that reach out below them. I'd like to take a moment here and pay tribute to him, to say my goodbye…

Grandpa, I think of you and of our time together with great fondness. You took me fishing and for blueberry pie. You taught me how to play golf and how to serve overhand in tennis. You made me your helper when it was time to fix doorknobs and replace sockets. You gave me a toilet paper roll with matches taped around the end and you told me it was a Norwegian flashlight. I didn’t laugh and you gave me my real gift, a complete set of Tops baseball cards. You were patient with me when I decided I didn’t want to hug anymore, and you didn’t give me a hard time when I changed my mind back again. You had long and gentle hands and thin and silver hair, and you looked most at home to me when you were standing up there in front of everyone, singing in your deep and holy voice. You jumped in after me when I fell off the dock. I said with conviction that you had pushed me in. I was embarrassed, I’m sorry. You stood taller than any of us until the day I stood taller than you. You let me borrow your car, a white Lincoln, for my high school dances. You always stood with both your feet on the foundation of the Lord, and though your prayers went on for what seemed like hours, I'm grateful now for your example. Even in the end, you never reflected on your life from a place of regret. You were an example of these things – of a life at peace and of a life in faith.

And then you were gone.

You went into the hospital two weeks ago. You declined quickly from there. You had trouble speaking and you must’ve grown tired of all the goodbyes. The days dragged on and we realized eventually that you were not going to be getting better this time. We started taking turns staying with you through the nights. We tried to make you comfortable and to keep your spirits up. We wanted you to know that we were there for you, by your side. We didn’t know when you were going to leave us, but we knew the day was getting close. On Friday, we came to you with bad news. Grandma was sick and too weak to come and see you. It was your wedding anniversary –your 61st. We could see it in your eyes how hard this was for you. You made it through that day and through a very long night. In the morning, when grandma was feeling better, we brought her to your side. You took her hand and you said her name. And then you died.

You’re going to be cremated, as requested, and there will be two services to honor you – one at the church here in the cities and the other at home in Jackson, MN. But don’t worry yourself with any of that. You are in a better place now and everything here will be fine. We'll take care of grandma, and we'll be there, holding her hand, when time comes for her. So you see - everything's fine. Enjoy your new life and be free.

I love you.

There's a story that Ramblin’ Jack Elliott tells. It's short and poigniant, and it's been on my mind a lot these past few days. It's about an encounter he had with Sweet Pete after a concert. As the story goes, Jack came off the stage and saw Pete standing there.

He said, “Well, Pete, we had some moments."

Pete said, “Let’s just remember the moments.”

I've been listening to Ramblin' Jack Elliott as I write this. To one song on repeat, in fact. It's a cover of a Townes van Zandt song and its words are how I'd like to sign off.

"Rex's Blues"

Ride the blue wind high and free
she'll lead you down through misery
leave you low, come time to go
alone and low as low can be

If I had a nickel I'd find a game
If I won a dollar I'd make it rain
If it rained an ocean I'd drink it dry
and lay me down dissatisfied

Legs to walk and thoughts to fly
eyes to laugh and lips to cry
a restless tongue to classify
all born to grow and grown to die

So tell my baby I said so long
tell my mother I did no wrong
tell my brother to watch his own
and tell my friends to mourn me none

I'm chained upon the face of time
feelin' full of foolish rhyme
there ain't no dark till something shines
I'm bound to leave this dark behind

Ride the blue wind high and free
she'll lead you down through misery
leave you low, come time to go
alone and low as low can be

Goodbye, Grandpa. I'll always remember the moments!